please leave!
why did you come here leave me alon leave me alone leave me alone please for the love of god just leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone no way back from here!
About
i've been on the verge ever since fourth grade. it has been a constant battle to continue to wake up in the morning and keep going. there have been easier times, but they are always swallowed up by worse ones. it's ultimately a matter of chance, whether or not i'll be allowed to stay in a good mood for long
INTERESTS
none
FAVORITE COLOR
i hate that they've already taken so much from me. i'm just glad they always hated my favorite color. always insulted my clothing, my music taste, my choice of friends until, one day, it suddenly started looking like theirs.
MY favorite pictures!
oh my god
i broke them. i miss being there. when they finally stop working, will i remember where i was? what were all the moments I forgot to record like?
blog (updating regularly)
WE☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒A☒☒
☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒ ☒ ☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒r☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒ ☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒e☒ ☒☒d☒☒e ☒☒ ☒☒☒s ☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒ ☒☒☒☒☒. ☒☒☒☒ ☒p☒☒☒e☒ ☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒r☒at☒☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒☒ ☒e☒☒ ☒☒☒☒ in ☒☒se a☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒r☒ ☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒ ☒c☒☒☒☒ ☒h☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒ ☒o ☒☒☒☒ ☒ ☒☒☒☒☒ f☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒r ☒ ☒☒☒☒e. ☒ ☒☒☒☒ ☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒ ☒c☒☒☒☒ ☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒ ☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒ o☒ ☒☒☒g☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒ ☒ n☒☒☒ ☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒. I ☒☒☒☒t ☒☒i☒☒ ☒☒ ☒o☒☒☒ ☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒☒ ☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒, ☒☒☒☒☒☒, ☒☒... ☒☒☒☒! ☒☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒ n☒☒!
☒☒☒☒ ☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒
☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒w☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒ ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒e☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒f☒☒☒☒o ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒r☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒g e☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒t ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒t ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒o☒☒☒☒☒☒☒L☒☒☒☒☒☒o ☒☒☒☒☒☒☒ve☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒☒
DAD
i hate that you gave me your name
today i had to get on zoom court and testify against my dad. the week leading up to this involved me digging through old notes, repressed memories, and anything else I could find that would help me be able to talk shit on my father's name. it's not like we were in short supply, but it needed to be stacked against him so that my sister didn't have to move. for so long i've tried to be a good son to him. for so long he has continued to bully me, my mother, and my sister. the reason i'm going to have to take a loan out for college next year is because his constant lawsuits against my mom have caused her to start using 'my' college funds to start paying for them. as if any money she saved for me was supposed to be mine in the first place.
i hate him. i'm going to hate him forever, not for a lack of trying, because i've continued to reach out to him, even as he's continued to hurt me and my family. and i've gotten nothing back. I hope he chokes on his own feces one day goggling over women some twenty or thirty years younger than himself.
you can't keep me here forever, joseph!
well, congratulations! you're almost there - and, as a special treat, i'm going to give you another fun, little riddle, so we can be done with this, and you can leave this pity party and get on with your own.
I was there to comission, death, as the boy looked from the hill
Lead from the wall and the pilot's view while the latter took a drink
I managed to slither back, bit his ankle, watched him sink
And because of endless desert sands no one ever heard him felled.
The pilot still curses my memory - though he calls me not by name
(I never did tell him!)
He couldn't have stayed to look for the boy, his rations had grown slim
So he's spent the rest of his waken hours driven by shame.
What's a pomegranate to a planet - a poison to Hades?
Though some journey to steal from m, failure's met all who've tried
And to think upon this cycle, a soul garnered by another lie.
The pilot, goggles fogged with tears, sees forest, not the tree
Nor saddest child's resting place, the cosmos its divide
So the only question that should remain is:
_Where in the world am I?
That's the last URL. You know the drill by now.
this is all i have left of her. the last, stupid trace to one of my friends is a cropped picture of their dog. it's hard to remember what they look like, even, but that doesn't matter either. i guess none of it did.
I remember one of the last conversations I had with them. It was soon after I'd gotten back to college after getting sick with COVID. I spoke with them about, ironically enough, loosing my friends. see, all of this has been a long time coming - and what made me leave ☒☒☒☒ and ☒☒ was yet to happen, i knew, somewhere deep down in my heart, that SOMETHING was going to happen to tear us apart. and i told her this, and she told me that she'd try to make sure that didn't happen to us. joking, she told me, "you're not going to lose me any time soon :)". within the next week, she had deactivated every social media platform we were friends on - not just blocking me, but everyone in our friend group. we still don't know what happened to her. like my other friends, she is reserved a special place in my prayers. the difference is that I can reach out to my other friends to see if they're alright. but for all I know, she's dead. a corrupted file, a worn poem, a string of characters with no extrinsic meaning. and that's what i'm going to be to someone one day.